It’s funny, how sometimes you get so close to something you lose all objectivity and see what it is not in its entirety. Somethings are as weird as simply that–looking to closely. Ignoring the obvious signs of decay and the shouting signs of a puzzle that ain’t fitting in. But you look only at one corner and see that it is perfect.
It’s much like my typing. I like to look down at the keyboard and see my fingers pushing the right alphabet down on the keyboard. And more than often I’m looking at my fingers more than what key is being pushed down. So I kind of push the wrong buttons. But at the same time I feel that everything’s in order and it’s all right. Another common thing I often do is write just like I’m thinking without commas, full stops, or hyphens or capital letters. It’s fun then to look up on the screen and look at the royal mess.
And there are other times that you hope to look at the larger picture and then fail to see the little goof-ups that ruin a wonderfully boring read.
I’m feeling a little lost nowadays…lost because I don’t realty see anything or look at anything with any sort of vision. I just see and say okay and move on. It’s weird because I normally think things out all the time.
There was a time when the brain would whirr overtime in thinking about stuff I perceived. I used to look at a woman on the road and then launch into a debate of how she had her own circles of doubt, love, people and fear. I’d analyse things like the colour she wore, the way her face looked whether she was tired or not, whether she had kids or not. You see if you look closely you’ll know because your mind’s been in those situations before. It recognizes little furrows on the forehead, down turned curls of the lips, plastic smiles that never reach your eyes.
I’ve reached the end yaar with no logic coming out of this one. I’m finished… a little worn out and a little less sprightly. This ain’t my job because I couldn’t have asked for anything better! This is something closer to home and heart and it’s too steep a road to climb onto.
